Be afraid. Be very afraid.

So, the urge to write grips me at the most inconvenient time, once again, but I yield to it, once again.

Unpleasant news first: there was an incident three nights ago. I went to bed really late, 4:15am, and I had just switched off the lights and curled up into my falling asleep position when I glanced over my shoulder towards the window (which is on the same wall as the bed and about 1m away) and saw somebody slowly moving out of the window corner to the middle of the window. At first I thought it might be my neighbour, who goes to work around 4am usually, but the person stopped right in front of my window. Which means it was on purpose, because they were standing in the flower bed that separates the house wall from the little path towards the garden. I got scared, lifted my head to see a bit better and suddenly, he saw me moving and looked straight at me. He had a cold, fierce expression, he was dressed in black from head to toe, complete with a woolen cap (which leads to the question: do they dress ‘em like that in the movies because they really do look like that or do they look like that because they dress ‘em like that in the movies?). When our eyes locked he waited for a few more seconds, then ran. I was petrified. It took me five minutes to do anything. First thing I did, was look at the watch. 4:20am, for future reference. Then I grabbed my hunting knife. That’s one huge, huge sucker of a knife that’s meant for gutting animals. Then I stayed low, having to pass the ominous window to get to the phone. Then I called my parents, crying. They advised me to call the police, which I did. They told me they’d send someone over right away. So I put on some pants and a sweater, sat in the dark, my hunting knife clutched in one hand, the phone in the other. 10 minutes after I’d placed my call to the police, I was feeling a little better. The law was on its way to protect me, right? 20 minutes later, I was started to be afraid again, wondering what the hell kind of a response time this was?! 30 minutes later, the police was still a no-show and I was crying with fear, imagining that guy sitting in the bushes outside my window, just waiting for me to go back to bed to finally break, enter and do whatever to me. I called the police back and when I asked them why they still hadn’t shown up, the officer I had on the end of the line told me in a very “gawd, is she dumb or what” voice that they had come, checked the area and found nothing. Apparently, they hadn’t deemed it necessary to come to my place, check I was still alive, take my statement, reassure me and give me a few tips on how to deal with the situation. For all I know, they didn’t even come around to check the area. This begs the question: seriously, what the fuck?

I’m going there today to ask why the fuck this went down like this. If this is standard Swiss police protocol, I’m not sure I wanna stay here after my studies. Of course I won’t barge in asking why the fuck it went down like this, but I will make some polite inquiries. Calling my parents before the police seemed superfluous and a waste of time at first, but now I’m thinking that at least if I had been cut into little pieces, they would have made sure someone found me before the smell of rotting carcass found the neighbours’ noses.

All this has led to me also finally getting my lazy ass up and going to Ikea today, to order a new bed and buy some bitchin’ (they have to be bitchin’) curtains. I’m not sure curtains can be bitchin’, but mine will be. I’m also meeting Carola tonight for cocktails and for the first time in my life, I’m glad humanity learned how to channel the powers of alcohol. I need a cocktail for the first time ever.

In other, more pleasant, news: my short film is cut! We made it! As soon as I have the DVD burned everyone will get to see it. We called it “Herzblut” and our newly founded “production company” is called “popcorn wars productions”. I’m loving this. We spent 13 1/2 hours shooting, 14 hours editing but now that baby is a go, repeat go!

In more trivial news: the Spaniard is proving even more elusive than ever. My suspicions he’s actually a secret agent (last week, he “spent the day at a military base, nah, just like that…”) are growing every day. But 2 weeks ago, when he had promised we would see each other and we didn’t, I blew up in his face a bit. Then I realised that this was way too much negative stress and it wasn’t worth it. I mean, he’s cute and I like him but he’s not the love of my life. For that to happen, I’d actually have to be physically dating him. So this week, when his plane was delayed (code for: “we got ambushed and shooting our way out took longer than we thought”), which caused him to be back a day later and “having lots of things to do” quoth he (code for “I had to debrief a walk-in agent and write my mission report) and then on Sunday, when we were supposed to finally have the damn date, he was “out for the rest of the day” requoth he (code for: “one of our agents has gone rogue and I had to bring him back into our custody”), I just didn’t stress at all. I told him I had thought as much and wished him a good Sunday (code for: “I hope you can apprehend him before he blows up Geneva”). I’m not gonna let this get to me. There are more important things at hand, more crucial matters to be dealt with. Like how I’m gonna feel safe again in my flat. Like how to beat the fear other than reciting the Litany Against Fear a hundred times before falling asleep to it, only to wake two hours later, terrified of the slightest odd sound. And I tell you, my fridge makes an annoying number of odd sounds. I hate my fridge.

Anyways, I have to head to the police station now. I hope you who are reading this are all safe and happy.

Anna

ps: can you tell I’ve been watching too many “Alias” episodes lately? Naah, or?

Because it is my name!

I found a cool gimmick called “what’s your hidden name meaning?”, where you type in your name and poof, it tells you what you are like. I thought I’d share it with you. Maybe I’m flattering myself here, but I think the description is rather scaringly accurate… hmm… behold the power of the internet.

What Anna-Franziska Means

You are usually the best at everything … you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic “Type A” personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings. You are able to be a foundation for other people… but you still know how to have fun. Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You’re always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can’t handle you. You’re very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you’re likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience. You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along. But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it’s hard to get you to budge. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It’s easy to get you excited… which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don’t stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are the total package – suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don’t always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don’t have as much going for them as you do. You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge – meaning you don’t spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you’re snobby or aloof, but you’re just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

What’s Your Name’s Hidden Meaning?

Oh, and a happy new year! As if you deserved it!

Hi everyone, I hope you’ve all had a good time during your holidays.
Ok, enough chitchat, I don’t really feel like talking about my holidays. They were great but too short. There’s the jist of it.

What I do feel like is posting some poetry again. The first one is a poem I wrote yesternight, the second one is a little older, but I like it and I feel like putting it up for now. Maybe it’ll come back down later, but enjoy it while it lasts.

Cheers and a happy 2008 to all of you who read this blog. It means a lot. Here goes nothing.

San Fernando Valley

If I woke up screaming
In the middle of the night
Would you be there, to rock me back to sleep?

If I spoke up dreaming
In the middle of your day
Would you be there, or rock me back to sleep?

And if I wanted love
Would you give it?

Give it like you gave me rope to bind us
Dare to feel it past your fears
When I chose to believe you
Was I leaving, or finding
An empty cosmodrome?

If you woke up asking
For me to feel nothing
I would leave you, then and there

I know you keep on saying
That we match
It feels more like you’re asking permission
To fuck me before kissing

But if you wanted love
I would give it

Give it like you gave me rope that binds us
Because I dare to face my fears
Because when I chose to believe you
I was leaving and finding
That empty cosmodrome

Cheers,

Anna